Day in the Life of an Idiot

For this last Solstice/Christmas, I asked for a re-subscription to a language learning app called "Memrise." (<--British, obviously).

For those of you new to my blog, I have been attempting (as a dyslexic) to learn Japanese since the dawn of time. The number of years that I've been struggling with this language might make you think that I'm at a very different level than the one I'm actually at. I'm just generally BAD at language learning? (Read: not really willing to commit to the hour a day you really need to make headway.) You might think that language acquisition might be easier for me with a language with a completely different writing system, but alas, Japanese has both "sa"さ and "chi" ち, which to me are the exact same letters. But so for the context of this story, just know that I've taken in-person classes with native speakers, tried podcasts, hypnotic recordings, apps, etc., galore and I'm still lucky if I can stumble out a passable, "I don't understand Japanese. (日本語をわかりませ!)"

At any rate, on to the story I wanted to tell.

In the past, I found that Memrise taught me different things than Duolingo. Turns out that in the intervening years, Memrise has changed significantly. I like some features less and others WHOLE LOT MORE.

One of the things I discovered the other day that strongly falls into I LOVE IT!! is that there's a whole lot of scenarios set up for me to attempt a conversation with ChatGPT. Normally, I hate any whiff of "A.I.," but if it was made for anything, this is it! So, the way it works is that Memrise has these scenarios set up for you, "Order a drink at a cafe" or "Check into a hotel," where the conversation can change depending on what you actually type into the Chatbox (or, in my case, use voice to text.)

This hilarious exchange was my first one out of the box:

[Scenario: you need to try to convince the bus driver to let you bring your bicycle on the bus with you.}

Them: "Sorry, the bus has a policy. We don't allow bicycles on board."
Me: *staring at the screen, thinking, what the sh*t, this is Japan I should probably just apologize and leave* [so, I try saying sorry, but I don't actually remember how to say "I will just leave" or "sorry to have bothered you," so all I get out is:] "I'm sorry."
Them: [You have clearly failed so we will give you the same prompt]: "Sorry, the bus has a policy. We don't allow bicycles on board."
Me: *plumbing the depths of everything I have ever learned in all the years I've studied Japanese... what comes out of my brain is:] "Help me! Help me! My little brother! There is a dangerous situation!"
Them: !! "Please tell me more about the situation with your little brother!"
Me: "GIANT SPIDERS"

That was literally the only threat I had the words for. I totally forgot how to say something vaguely reasonable like, "My little brother needs to go to the hospital" or anything like that, instead, my ridiculous brain pulled out the words for GIANT SPIDER before hospital.

I am soooooo doomed if I ever go to Japan.