More Gig Woes
Apr. 27th, 2023 09:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouse "Woe" is probably too strong a word for this situation. It's more that I am a complain-y person who likes to complain about things. The current thing I am fretting about is that I agreed to do a Speculations reading at Dreamhaven next Wednesday.
True confession time.
I have NEVER liked reading my own work out loud. Despite the fact that I often enjoy re-reading my own work, as discussed in a recent previous post and I generally like speaking in front of an audience, I kind of hate readings. It's one of those things, however, that is fully expected that authors DO.
There's a couple of personal reasons why I dislike reading, out loud, in front of an audience. I am dyslexic. I've been dyslexic my whole life and so I have a lot of... shame around it? Like, I'm mostly okay with this fairly minor (for me) learning disability, but when I am standing in front of people who are all staring at me and I stumble over my own words, I don't enjoy it. I've learned to make fun of myself and to get around my mistakes by just going with something close to what I've written, but the actual act of reading out loud in this very structured space is not something I enjoy.
My other complaint in my complaining song is that I also, personally, am not fond of going to readings? I have an allergy to the MFA voice. I find it grating at best and soporific at worst. Worse, its prevalent, even among people who are not in Academia. Even when a reader doesn't do the MFA voice, I'm not great at paying attention when people are reading in performance halls, bookstores, and hotel panel rooms.
I don't know why. Like, Shawn used to read to me while I did the dishes (we don't have a dishwasher) for years. She's been replaced by an iPad and Spotify, but having people read to me or tell me a story is not the problem. So, I don't really understand why I find it hard to listen to writers reading their stories at readings. There just must be something about it that feels artificial. I honestly don't know.
Am I alone in this?
At any rate, I'm also struggling to figure out WHAT to read. My WIP makes the most sense, but this is a book that I'm floundering on at the moment and I'm in that dreaded "I hate this book" phase of writing. I still might find some piece of that to read, and probably will? I could also read some short stories that I've recently sold... and I might do that, if for no other reason than that the editors of the anthologies would probably be happy that I'm out publicizing their product.
I dunno.
La! There's my complaining song.
How are you?
True confession time.
I have NEVER liked reading my own work out loud. Despite the fact that I often enjoy re-reading my own work, as discussed in a recent previous post and I generally like speaking in front of an audience, I kind of hate readings. It's one of those things, however, that is fully expected that authors DO.
There's a couple of personal reasons why I dislike reading, out loud, in front of an audience. I am dyslexic. I've been dyslexic my whole life and so I have a lot of... shame around it? Like, I'm mostly okay with this fairly minor (for me) learning disability, but when I am standing in front of people who are all staring at me and I stumble over my own words, I don't enjoy it. I've learned to make fun of myself and to get around my mistakes by just going with something close to what I've written, but the actual act of reading out loud in this very structured space is not something I enjoy.
My other complaint in my complaining song is that I also, personally, am not fond of going to readings? I have an allergy to the MFA voice. I find it grating at best and soporific at worst. Worse, its prevalent, even among people who are not in Academia. Even when a reader doesn't do the MFA voice, I'm not great at paying attention when people are reading in performance halls, bookstores, and hotel panel rooms.
I don't know why. Like, Shawn used to read to me while I did the dishes (we don't have a dishwasher) for years. She's been replaced by an iPad and Spotify, but having people read to me or tell me a story is not the problem. So, I don't really understand why I find it hard to listen to writers reading their stories at readings. There just must be something about it that feels artificial. I honestly don't know.
Am I alone in this?
At any rate, I'm also struggling to figure out WHAT to read. My WIP makes the most sense, but this is a book that I'm floundering on at the moment and I'm in that dreaded "I hate this book" phase of writing. I still might find some piece of that to read, and probably will? I could also read some short stories that I've recently sold... and I might do that, if for no other reason than that the editors of the anthologies would probably be happy that I'm out publicizing their product.
I dunno.
La! There's my complaining song.
How are you?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-27 04:16 pm (UTC)i also remember completely bouncing off nabokov's book "pale fire" and then hearing someone read it as a performance and finally "getting it." maybe this works better when something is subtly comedic--that a reading will get the right voice and frame of mind into the approach?
all of which is to say that i have had good experiences going to author readings, overall (not universally) so i like them. i don't really recall encountering something i would characterize as MFA voice but maybe it sailed by me. on the third hand, i'm not an author--i sometimes read other people's work to people but never my own. if i were closer, i would go be a friendly face in the audience--as it is, i just hope it goes well and isn't a bad experience for you.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-27 06:21 pm (UTC)I wish you could come to the reading, too, but I'm sure it will be FINE.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-28 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-28 02:33 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2023-04-28 09:13 am (UTC)I'm not a fan of it either, just don't care for how my voice sounds. I like public speaking fine. I love hearing my partner read my work, because then it sounds a lot more like how I hear it in my head. But almost every time I try to have him perform my work, people make helpy comments about how maybe next time I'll have the courage to read it myself. Nay, fuck that. So I just don't bother anymore.
You are not alone. And I bet other folks have different reasons too.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2023-04-28 02:34 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2023-04-28 07:05 pm (UTC)