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Reading and Writing
Nov. 8th, 2017 10:50 amIt's What Are You Reading Wednesday and I can report that I read a bit more of Scarlett (I realize that my other problem may be that I seem to have made that book into my bathtub reading book) and two Marvel comic books: Ms. Marvel (Vol.7): Damage Per Second by G. Willow Wilson/Takeshi Miyazawa/Mirka Andolfo and Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (Vol. 5): Like I'm the Only Squirrel in the World by Ryan North/Erica Henderson/Will Murray.
I got halfway through volume 3 of another Yotsuba&!. What I need to do with those is make them my car books/carry around to read when you have five minutes books, because they read really fast. I just keep forgetting about them.
So, about writing.... I had kind of an epiphany today. It's going to seem like a sad one, but I'm not convinced it really is, but... I'm going to let go of the idea that "I'm going to write something today." I've been living under the hope that "any day now," I'm going to get my act together and write a novel. It's time to accept that's not going to happen. I've gotten into a really ugly, self-destructive mental space about it all, and I need to... let go.
I would be worried that this is a sign of depression, but the thought actually makes my soul feel lighter.
I've had plenty of interest in the things that make me happy, in fact, I've been having a RENEWED interest in the variety of things that make me happy--all my little hobbies, including pen palling and stamp collecting and reading and cooking. I've been the opposite of lethargic since I decided to let this go a little, and I've been getting a ton of things done around the house. So, I mean, it's a sad realization in many ways, but it doesn't feel like one motivated by any kind of medical depression.
I'm not going to give up ALL forms of writing, either. I'm still very into my reviewing, in teaching, and critiquing fiction. I think I just need to let certain expectations about what I need to be in order to be a valid and productive human being--and one of them is that I'm any kind of serious about writing a novel any time soon. I'm not writing. When people ask me, I'm going to be honest and say, "I've given up on that for the time being. I'm doing teaching and non-fiction work, instead."
It's not like this decision erases 14 published novels, either.
You can be sad for me, but I think this is the right decision right now. I think, too, that if I can let go these expectations, I might actually be able, in time, to come back around to writing fiction.
Or not, but I need to be able to be happy with who I am. Right now? I'm not really a fiction writer and that's okay.
I got halfway through volume 3 of another Yotsuba&!. What I need to do with those is make them my car books/carry around to read when you have five minutes books, because they read really fast. I just keep forgetting about them.
So, about writing.... I had kind of an epiphany today. It's going to seem like a sad one, but I'm not convinced it really is, but... I'm going to let go of the idea that "I'm going to write something today." I've been living under the hope that "any day now," I'm going to get my act together and write a novel. It's time to accept that's not going to happen. I've gotten into a really ugly, self-destructive mental space about it all, and I need to... let go.
I would be worried that this is a sign of depression, but the thought actually makes my soul feel lighter.
I've had plenty of interest in the things that make me happy, in fact, I've been having a RENEWED interest in the variety of things that make me happy--all my little hobbies, including pen palling and stamp collecting and reading and cooking. I've been the opposite of lethargic since I decided to let this go a little, and I've been getting a ton of things done around the house. So, I mean, it's a sad realization in many ways, but it doesn't feel like one motivated by any kind of medical depression.
I'm not going to give up ALL forms of writing, either. I'm still very into my reviewing, in teaching, and critiquing fiction. I think I just need to let certain expectations about what I need to be in order to be a valid and productive human being--and one of them is that I'm any kind of serious about writing a novel any time soon. I'm not writing. When people ask me, I'm going to be honest and say, "I've given up on that for the time being. I'm doing teaching and non-fiction work, instead."
It's not like this decision erases 14 published novels, either.
You can be sad for me, but I think this is the right decision right now. I think, too, that if I can let go these expectations, I might actually be able, in time, to come back around to writing fiction.
Or not, but I need to be able to be happy with who I am. Right now? I'm not really a fiction writer and that's okay.